Time for Therapy

I am starting mental health therapy tomorrow on the advice of my endocrinologist. I have had a lot of anxiety and depression lately to the point of my life is all about thyroid cancer. It is really stupid on my part because I am getting to where my doctor wants me, just taking a bit longer. His TSH goal for me is .1-.3 and I am at .14 after 6 weeks of Synthroid.  I think part of the problem is that when I was first diagnosed I was strong for everyone. And now it has hit me that I am a cancer patient, and even though the chances of reoccurreance are slim there is always that chance. I have gotten to the point that I don't want to be around people, or leave my house because I am afraid of something happening to me. I am nervous about this first appointment but I am so ready to get back to me that I am willing and eager to get started. Please someone remind me of that last sentence when it gets to deep and uncomfortable and I start complaining about how I hate therapy! Well I guess I will see how it goes tomorrow and will let you all know.
Peace and Love
Cheri

But you look so good

Oh how I have come to hate that phrase. I can't help it if you think I am looking good, I feel like crap. How are you suppose to get that across to someone? First I don't think I look good, I don't have the energy to even put on the most basic of makeup in the mornings. I am always tired, I am pushing myself to work 4 hours a day, and to even stay up till 8PM! All of my joints ache, I always have a headache, and I am almost always in a crabby mood. So if people are telling me I look good, they are either #1. lying to me or #2 thinking by telling me that I will feel better. Either way please stop!

Just need to vent

What I really want to do is scream! (SCREAMS HERE) Nope that didn't help. So what am I so aggravated at you ask? My job, I have not suppose to been working for the last 4 weeks but I was going in 3-4 hrs a day. I still can not make more than 4 hrs a day as I know I am still very hypo, I am sure my synthroid dose needs increasing. Any way my doctors excuse said no work thru 01-07, I am not sure why the 7th when I go back to the doctor on the 18th, and I was sure the excuse stated thru the 18th but I guess I was wrong. Anyway my employers expected me to return full time on the 8th, when I said it couldn't happen, they wanted to pin me down to a date.I tried explaining to them that I had no idea as this recovery process is a day by day process. Luckily my doctor faxed another excuse today stating I could work 4 hrs a day until future notice. Of course they were not happy so their solution is to put me on Family Medical Leave and not count the other 4 hrs a day I can't work towards that. I have no idea what that does for me, and no choice in the matter. I feel like I have been working when I really didn't have to, and when I said I couldn't work full time yet, I got kicked in the butt. To top it all off my father was admited to the hospital yesterday. Well I need to go my husband is ready to leave for the hospital.

Will 2010 be better?

Well here it is almost a new year. It has been 10 weeks today since my surgery and it feels like it has been forever. I have been on thyroid medicine for 4 weeks today, and I still can not go a whole day without wearing out. I really only have about a 3 hour window of energy. The doctor put me on 12.5mcg cytomel once a day for 2 weeks to see if that will help, it's been 1 week, and no difference so far. I am still losing my hair, and waking up in the middle of the night sweating, so I know I am still pretty hypo.On top of all of that I think the RAI dose I got was to much, my roof of my mouth has been so sore ever since I took it. I woke up Monday with a UTI so I was given an antibiotic, and woke up yesterday with one eye basically swollen shut-allergic reaction to antibiotic, so I got a different one and yep today I have started with a yeast infection! Sometimes I wish I had never heard of thyroid nodules, cancer and surgery. I know that is crazy but I am not a patient person, and I am ready to feel better! Oh well hopefully things will start looking up here soon, after all it's almost a new year!

I should be happy but.....................

Yesterday was my 53rd birthday and I got the news that my WBS is clean except for a small amount of thyroid tissue. This is the news I was expecting but getting the confirmation was a good feeling. So why am I not happy? I always have a hard time with this time of year, and I truly do not know why but this year I am really depressed. I guess it is because I was so hypo just last week (TSH=100+) and I am just so tired. I decided not to decorate for Christmas at all this year which means I didn't even put up a tree. My husband is okay with this because he is worn out too. Working, taking care of me, meetings after meetings after meetings at church, and fighting with the insurance company. Our church burned down on Palm Sunday night and hubby is head of building committee and head of board of trustees, so he is dealing with all the ins and outs of trying to rebuild, and the insurance company is giving us trouble. Christmas is one week from today and I have not done one bit of shopping yet. Of course I don't know where I will get the money to shop, no work, no pay, no Christmas bonus this year, but I still have 2 grandchildren I can not and will not let down. I guess it will be time to put off some bills and just play catch up later.Well I am watching for the energy to start coming back, and looking forward to a better year in 2010. Hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.